When I first decided to move forward with my photography and really take it seriously, the first order of business was to find a name that suited me. This, to me, was the most important thing. There are a lot of photographers out there, and I didnt want to be just another "Samantha Ayres Photography" in the mix. I wanted something different, something that would stand out, and most importantly- a name that had real meaning behind it.
I didnt always want to be a photographer. I originally went to college to be a Math Teacher. My whole life I wanted to be a teacher, really. Ever since I was in grammar school. I would answer every kid's favorite question- "What do you want to be when you're all grown up?" - with teacher written in that blank space every time. Throughout the years, from grammar school, to middle school, into high school- I continuously excelled at math. I had the best math teachers. You know the really rare ones that have this natural gift to make math fun and easy. ( Big shoutout to Mr. Shapiro, Mrs. Alvarez, Ms. Peruggia, and Mr. Rosetti) I wanted to "grow up" to be that for as many kids as possible.
I followed my dream. I got accepted into my first choice college (Montclair State) and I set myself up to major in Mathematics Education. I was an incredible student in high school. I was always on the honor roll, I was in all honors classes, and I generally never got below a B. I loved school, and I loved learning new things. I was not your typical hold the thermometer up to the blowdryer kind of kid. I hated missing a day, it was rare that I wanted to stay home. So naurally, I assumed I would thrive in a college environment, right?
Wrong. I hated my first semester of college. I felt like I was paying massive amounts of money to learn things I had already learned early on in high school. I hated the requirement to take classes that had absolutely nothing to do with the career I thought I had chose. It just wasn't my thing. Which, in turn, threw me for a real loop.
I think I had a bit of an existential crisis. I lost it. I had a huge case of imposter syndrome. I didnt feel like I belonged there or wanted to be there, but again- I was a great student- and the world around me made me feel like this was something I HAD to do if I wanted to succeed or go anywhere in life. So you mean... I have to go into thousands of dollars of debt- to do something and be somewhere I absolutely despise, for AT LEAST four years, in order to be happy with my life and its outcome? My heart said hell na, but my brain was telling me I was making a huge mistake if I gave up on it.
So I went back to college for a second semester and gave it another go around. I thought maybe if I try harder, I will learn to love it. You can expect that I did not. I had no idea what I wanted to do. All I had ever known was that I wanted to teach, is there anything else I would even be interested in doing with my life? This was where a major switch happened.
Christmas came around, and my mom was asking me what I wanted as a gift. I had not been showing up to my classes for some time now, and I had pretty much decided that I was not going back. During this period, I spent alot of time exploring hobbies- things I just enjoyed doing. Taking pictures has always been one of them. I always took pretty great pictures, but really more so just for myself. I took a photography class in high school and it ended up being one of my favorite electives. But I never took it seriously as a career. I decided I was going to explore photography in more depth, so I asked my mother for a full DSLR kit that Christmas, and I got it. Fully stocked with two kit lenses too.
I didnt touch it for a while outside of family events. I started work and jumped around a few different jobs for a period of time. On my time off, another hobby I have always enjoyed was hiking. I started taking my camera with me on hikes, and just snapping everything and anything I found even remotely interesting. Between candids of family, friends, and landscapes- people kept telling me how great my pictures were. And after spending more time with my camera, I began to see it too.
With every new incredible landscape I captured and every portrait I took (shoutout to my little cousins for being the perfect little humans to practice on), I fell more and more in love. Not just with my pictures, but with the feeling of capturing something that was worthy of sharing. I was freezing these breath-taking, unbelievable views in time and sharing them with people. I was sharing views that people didnt even know existed in this state, and I got a high from it. I was stopping cherished moments in time for families to look over and reminisce on for generations. It felt like I was doing something that not only mattered to others, but mattered to me too. I like making an impact in my work. If i'm going to work my life away, might as well make sure the work you do actually means something to you- am I right?
I realized I wanted to learn more. I wanted to have better control over my pictures. I wanted to be able to create those stunning, sharp, dreamy photos that everybody longs to get out of a good photoshoot. I started actually learning how to use my camera, and not just on Auto Mode- I mean full Manual baby.
(I will admit, I definitely cheat with aperture priority mode on a quick portrait shoot from time to time...don't come for me. )
And I taught it all to myself- not to toot my own horn, but fuck that, I'm for sure tooting my own horn real quick. Thanks to Google, Youtube, and a short-lived run with an online course at "The Photography Institute" who's first few modules taught me the very basics.
Have I mentioned I dont like college? Even an online course couldn't keep me in it for the long haul. But teach myself? Oh yeah, no problem, let's get started right now. I find a good challenge always lights that fire under my ass to get er' done.
When the time came where I decided I was finally worthy of the 'gram and comfortable to start charging clients (or ready to start finding actual clients for that matter), I figured I should probably also create a page. Pretty hard to share your pictures with the general public if you don't have anywhere to post them set up. An official page would obviously require a good name that would serve as my brand.
I wanted something catchy. My photography journey began in the woods, with a camera, and lil' ol' me just trying to find herself. I finally felt like I found myself on that trail, behind a lens. I had officially found something I wanted to focus more on. You catchin' what I'm throwin' down here?
Henceforth, Finding the Focus was born. Truly, that's exactly what I was doing. Finding the focus, finding the motivation, finding the person I wanted to be. Discovering what I wanted to spend- on average- 90,000 hours of my life doing.
(Fact: The average American will spend about 90,000 hours of their lifetime at work. Did you know that? You do now. Do with that information what you will. )
My name is a constant reminder of why I keep working at this more and more every day. A reminder to never give up even on days where I felt like I was wasting my time. Days where I'm feeling like I'm no good and getting nowhere, because hell- even though I've gained tons of confidence and experience since then- those days still creep up from time to time.
At a time when I was lost, I found my main focus in photography. I feel as though it saved me and took me under it's wing when I was just wandering around in the dark trying to get my shit together. No matter how much time passes, as soon as I pick up the camera, the world melts away.
Forever thankful for you, Finding the Focus. Even now when you're just getting started, I am so proud of how far we have already come.
Then (2017, when I started out) VS Now (2021)
Comments